I had a reflection period while i was giving blood today. Also while having lunch with an old friend. And i realized, sometimes i scare myself. There are several things that sparked this realization. The main one being the blog of my gentleman friend, Jesse. Jesse writes about how nobody should give a flying fuck about what somebody says to you and how they say it. And I think that is an interesting point of view. Why do i scare myself sometimes? Answer: Everybody has certain buttons that you dont push and I still don't know all of my buttons. And sometimes my buttons depend on my mood. And if my button is pushed I can turn into a very angry person. Which, by the way, I hate. But I feel like i cannot help it. Which also scares me.
The question is, where does this anger come from? And now that i think about it, i wouldnt say its anger. Its just a strong feeling of having to defend myself in any situation. So where does this come from? I think it stems from my childhood (BIG SURPRISE THERE!). Now i had a wonderful upbringing...in the house. But at school i was ALWAYS bullied. I was always made fun of as a young kid and in high school i felt like my character was always being attacked by the jealous, insecure boyfriends of my close friends of the opposite sex. But when college came, it was a fresh start, and i decided that i wouldnt allow myself to be bullied at my new school and have the same stuff happen again.
Maybe the number 1 thing i hate is people talking down to me. I cant stand it. Who are you to talk to me like i am below you? I dont care if you are the richest person in the world, the strongest person in the world, the smartest person in the world, or anything else that you are #1 in the world at. I am equal to you and i deserve to be treated like that. (Jesse if you are reading this, this would be the time where you say something like "I am superior to everybody" orrrr "you ARE inferior to me", something along those lines).
A good thing that has come from all that bullying is that I always stick up for the underdog, the helpless, the bullied. Starting in 5th grade when Varun Gupta was all alone at a lunch table and i went and sat with him and realized he was a pretty cool kid; just misunderstood and hard to understand what he is saying (much like myself i realized a few weeks ago).
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i look up to you because you're taller than me
ReplyDeleteI think I have to do respond but in my own post. I need to read your post comment by comment and respond at the same time. So.... in your comment section I will say this: You are wrong. I get your opinion. We are one and the same and yet came out complete opposites. My post will explain why.
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